Neutrality of Experience

It all stared with a question: Are certain experiences either inherently good or inherently bad? 

I wondered if experiences are imbued with an innate quality rendering them either positive or negative in nature beyond the filter of our perspective? 

Or is the potential positivity or negativity of an experience relative?

And if it is relative, what are the determining factors that dictate whether an experience or circumstance is defined as either positive or negative?

I've pondered these questions for quite some time and have come to an understanding concerning the answers....

As I use the terms positive and negative as they relate to experience, I do not speak of the base definitions of the 'preference or aversion' of the experiencer: It is not what about what you want. I am speaking in the grander sense of experience being, either positive or negative, as it relates to our growth and progression as human beings: Its about what you need. 

It is the question of, what we want, versus what we need. Too often we confuse these two. With untrained minds and uncontrolled perspective we falsely believe that the experiences we want are positive and all else are negative. When in all actuality it is nearly always the inverse that is true. This confusion arises because so many of our wants are out of alignment with what our needs. Until we can learn to align these two forces we will be at odds with our progress and evolution.

First we must recalibrate our internal definitions. We must not mistake words such as; difficult, strenuous, painful, intense, confusing, boring…etc as adjectives that make an experience negative. Likewise; fun, easy, exciting, simple, pleasurable, desirable…etc aren't descriptions that dictate an experience to be positive. This is such an obvious statement that I shouldn't insult you with sophomoric examples.

It is in our nature to define things.The need to differentiate between this and that is obvious. We instinctively classify, and label nearly every aspect of our lives. It is a necessary tool that has brought us along the branches of evolution to the pinnacle of conscious, self aware, life on this planet. 

This tendency has served us well over the eons. Especially when it came to the physical aspects of life. It is necessary for survival, to be able to differentiate between hard, soft, hot, cold, pleasure pain, preference and avoidance. 

Our labels and categorizations became slightly more layered over time, as the need to more accurately define our surroundings increased. It soon became useful to label snakes as dangerous and mushrooms as edible food. But as our labels came to encompass even more complex aspects of life, we realized the need to adapt and hone our skills of classification further. 

We learned that we had to use more insight when differentiating. We came to see, that only certain snakes are dangerous and only certain mushrooms are safe. We made the adjustments to our labels, to make them more accurate. However, this was not done instantaneously. First, we had to come to the knowledge, of which snakes were dangerous and which mushrooms were safe, before applying that knowledge accordingly. 

This was the process we used to more accurately define and differentiate the things in our lives: differentiation based on accumulated knowledge and insight.

Next, we attempted to address the intangible. Which proved infinitely more difficult. We struggled to draw clearly defined lines with labels like: friend and enemy, love and hate, and especially right and wrong. We saw that definitions and labels can become fluid when dealing with these intangible aspects of life.

As the complexity of the thing to be labeled increases, so must our insight, knowledge, and wisdom, if we expect to accurately define them.

At the most subtle level, definitions or labels tend to be more fluid and relative. Labeling someone as a friend, or enemy, for instance, depends on perspective. And at theses levels, our labels become intertwined with and affect reality. But at this level we can gain a control over our ability to define. Label someone an enemy and, whether it's initially true or not, it will eventually become self fulfilling, and you will tend to view the aspect of that person that validate that label.

Our mental formations and labels can create our reality. This is the ability we have. An ability we must learn to exercise with skill and wisdom. It is this ability that may be our only act of true freewill. To truly understand and master this ability is the key to unlocking an inner strength that cannot be over stated.

In no other aspect in life is this ability more important or powerful than when it's applied to defining our experiences. Experiences are inherently neutral in nature. No experience is inherently bad. No experience is inherently good. As difficult as it may be to accept, it stands, that no matter what the experience it remains neutral, until we give it definition, at which point they can become such. To redefine experience, to control our perspective, is to practice our ability and exercise our power.

For most of us, when we have an experience, our predetermined ideas give the experience definition, as either positive or negative, before it has a chance to play out. To do this, is to relinquish control. 

For instance, we automatically believe that losing a job is a negative experience. An experience that will undoubtedly lead to a cascade of more negative circumstances. But what about someone who lost a job they were unhappy with, only to find a better one. A new job, where they met the love of their life. Who they would eventually have a beautiful and happy family with? Given a little time and perspective they would undoubtedly look back at the moment, when they were lost their job, as one of the most important moments of their life.

My favorite example at the other end of the spectrum is the curse of the lottery. Without a doubt most of us would consider winning the lottery as a positive experience. An experience that, in turn, would lead to a cascading set of events leading to more positive circumstances.

However, there are documented cases where, after winning the lottery, the person considers it to be one of the worst things to ever happen to them. Their relationships with their loved ones, their friends and family suffer irreparably. Not knowing who to trust they become suspicious of everyone and everything. Suspicion turns to paranoia and despair. Which leads to all types of negativity and hopelessness and in some cases even death. 

Given the perspective of time we can see countless examples where experience, assumed to be either positive or negative initially, turned out to be contrary to our expectations. 

When the person experiencing a circumstance takes no control of his or her perspective, the circumstances of the experience play out on their own, with no regard for the experiencer. To which, the 'experiencer' is left floating, adrift on the waves of circumstance.

We tend to breakdown the experiences in life into three categories: Those we can control. Those we can influence. And those we cannot control. I'm beginning to believe that these distinctions may be more of an illusion than we'd be comfortable with. 

The one absolute control that we do have over circumstance, is the filter of perspective. If we cannot control every event that happens to us, we 'can' control how we view, and what we do with, those events.

Accepting that there will be circumstances that we cannot truly control, is an early step in gaining control of our perspective. The realization, that much of the circumstances of life happens to you rather than because of you, frees you from always asking the question: why me?. Which, unless it is asked in an attempt to fuel change, is a fruitless inquiry.

The circumstances that we cannot control are not to be lamented, they are to be learned from and used as rungs of a ladder to reach higher states of personal evolution. Which starts at the acceptance of the circumstance as reality and is not clouded by thoughts of self pity and regret or undue pride and arrogance.

To be freed from a false narrative and to gain our undeniable ability of control over defining our experiences, we must begin to shift our perspective, from viewing experience as something designed to fulfill a want, to being viewed as something designed to fulfill an essential need.

This new perspective allows us to give definition to our experiences. Like a mental alchemist, you can change any experience from negative to positive. Forcing every single experience, no matter how difficult, arduous, strenuous, painful, intense, confusing, or boring, to unfold before you, revealing opportunities for growth. 

Opportunities to gain self knowledge, to learn your weak points, to test your resolve, to strengthen your grit, your will, your love and your spirit. Opportunities once lost or squandered, when interpreted from the wrong perspective and defined in the negative.

There is not an experience or circumstance in existence that cannot be made either positive or negative by your perspective. Not a single experience that cannot be turned into positive fuel for the fire of your personal growth and spiritual evolution.

We must shift from seeking the easy and pleasurable, to enduring the necessary, no matter how difficult and arduous, if we are to make the meaningful progress that is the reason for our existence.

So the next time you find yourself in a circumstance that you lament, stop and recalibrate your perspective. Redefine your circumstance. Exercise your ability and utilize your power. Restrain yourself from thinking; poor me, this isn't fair, or why is this happening? Rather than focusing on the reasons that you'd prefer to avoid the circumstances, ask yourself: What are the lessons to be learned here, what is it that I need to go through, what is it that I need to accomplish? How can I find the gold in the ore, of this situation? 

Because, make no mistake about it, every single difficult experience is designed as a lesson, and a test, completely essential to your growth. It’s up to you to either sleep through class and be held back, or to stiffen your spine, hold your head up, take the pain in the ass test and graduate.