LEAVING

Life has just been a series of people leaving. When my dad was still in the military we moved a lot. So did everyone else. Best friends came and best friends went. It was inevitable and we all knew it. Each one that left took a part of me with them. And vice-versa. The bitter sweet taste of impermanence always loomed overhead making for unique relationships. The temporary nature forces you try to hold on to the moments that count. To stretch them out. To make them last. But no matter how hard you try or how much you want them to, they never last. It’s all sand through your fingers.

I experienced this a lot when I was younger and as the years went by it seemed to happen less and less. Or a better way to put it would be to say: it changed. The older I got, the more the end of a relationship became a choice. An agreement to go separate ways. Less and less were people completely ripped away from me, never to be seen again. (Death being the only exception. And death is a whole different beast for a whole different time and a whole different set of words.)

Somewhere in your twenties friendships are left to run their natural course. To either wither under the reality of life and new priorities. To devolve into a quasi-friendship. Or in the rarest of cases: to grow stronger and survive adulthood.

At some point in life, usually parenthood, your priorities just change. And the time and dedication to maintain the friendships of younger years, disappears. So as I grew in years I came to accept the fact that my era of friendships had come to an end. And I was fine with it, or so I thought. Sure I missed the camaraderie, the loyalty, and especially the laughs, the laughs that come from so deep in your gut that they take years off your life but are completely worth it. And as life changed a part of me changed. I was ok with growing out of that part of my life. At least it meant that I wouldn't have to say goodbye to anymore friends. But over time I have come to discover that a relationship without that temporary nature isn't as electric.

Here, behind these prison walls I've again discovered the bittersweet experience of fleeting bonds. The friendships built in foxholes are of the strongest and rarest type and I'm reminded of the cyclical nature of life. Again I've become that military brat finding my way in life with other outcasts, walking side by side, surviving on borrowed time. Knowing the end could come at any moment. When it becomes undeniable that tomorrow isn't promised, every day becomes your last.

Yesterday another best friend was ripped away. He's getting close to home. Lost another one. And my crowded photo album gains a picture. Just another moment in a living, breathing, and fluctuating spiderweb of human connections. 

With a little luck you will be blessed with the chance to miss someone. And with a lot of perspective you will be able to appreciate their company in the moment...what a great problem to have.