Funerals And Friends

Funerals and Friends... For Shawn Goree and those I missed.

Midnight is fast approaching. I just got off of the phone with Lindsey and I find myself in the strangest of moods. I listened as she recounted the people and events of last weekend.

Last week we said goodbye to one of our 'own'. A farewell that has been far too frequent, far too painful, and far too familiar. Telling you how amazing or great Shawn was is pointless because if you didn't know him then I could never do him justice and if you did, then you already know. 

I heard the news and floated back to my cell in a daze. I sat and thought. Every memory I conjured of Shawn was a good one. I couldn't think of many, that we shared, that weren't both ridiculous and hilarious.

I remembered when we were in school, I was a grade above Shawn. And though he was younger than me, I had to rely on 'him' to buy 'me' beer with his ridiculous fake ID.(I wish I could remember the guys name on the ID) I looked twelve ,but we were convinced that Shawn, even in his teens, could pass for forty. And he did. Every time.

And in one last act, true to his nature, Shawn's amazing life and tragic passing brought all the misfits back together for one last interconnected happening. I listened with eager intensity as Lindsey unleashed a list of names that brought back vivid and nearly forgotten memories. Memories of childhood, of depravity, teenage angst, music, chaos, searching, skating, finding, losing, fighting, fearing, fucking, using, laughing, running, drinking, falling, failing, smoking, rebelling, learning, and loving...Memories of a completely unique time for those who were there to witness it and lucky enough to remember it.

A network of intricately different and uniquely individual misfits, each with our own origin, stories and connections. Friends that were somehow, amongst all the chaos, music and substances, more than just the sum of our parts..Those times that can never be relieved, never be grasped again. Times that can only be truly appreciated by those involved. A time and energy forced to live on in our fucked up and heartbreaking memories. All the shows, the fights, the laughs, and the bonds. Before all the drugs and death made us realize how special those times truly were. Some things are just too special, too unique, too amazing, to ever be recreated. In an infinite number if universes with another thirteen billion years could it ever happen again: Those people, that music, this place, and these bonds.

We lost one of the good ones. There are many things that I've missed out on from this prison cell, but this one hit me right in the chest. To have the chance to pay my respects to Shawn, in the company of so many fellow misfits from those forgotten times is something I'll never forgive myself for missing.

After hearing the joy in Lindsey's voice, at the makeshift reunion, my heart swelled with excitement, nostalgia, and regret. As I hung up the phone, a knot rose in my throat making it hard to swallow, a weight hung from my heart making it hard to breathe, and glass covered my eyes making me afraid to blink for a fear of glass rolling down my cheek. And like every time I feel something so uncomfortable, so painful, so real, and so beautiful I have to write something down. 

So since I didn't get the chance to say it then and there, I'll say it here and now: 

"With every ounce of my being I miss that crazy fucked up place and ALL of you beautifully fucked up people who I was lucky enough to know!!! So, What's up!”

 Andrew Wyatt, PJ , Corey Monopoli (T-Bird), Austin Birch, Danny Johnson, Brian Collier (what's the interest on that 50$?) Nick Palmarato, Steve Garahan (Gara-WU), Lindsey Hutto(Big Red), Janice M, Rachel S, Laura Beard, Destin B, Jim Wyatt, Gary R, Stacey D, Eric Stanchfield (Stench-field), April, Eric Stacey (Nerd!!), Wayne Wheeler (Squatter), Kevin Wright, John S (Greasy-sack), Chad, Ed Lopez, Luke T, Jared Marcum (aka Juggy Gails aka Guy Rod More-Cum, oh he's pissed at me!) Pat B, Chris Cook, Greg Santos.... and everyone else that I would have crossed paths with. I love and miss you guys!...... And to the ones that are gone but not forgotten. My fallen family: 'Dave Cardinelle, Aaron Brown, Carter Smith, Drew Cave, Matt Maguire....... And of course Shawn Goree! RIP my brothers! we will see you soon enough....