Meditation

During meditation this morning I realized that I couldn't feel that swelling in my heart that usually accompanies my meditation. I didn't feel God's love in my heart, I wasn't getting the normal sensation. This has been gradually happening over the last few days. And I slightly disturbed me.

Still, not dissuaded, I continued. Flashes of fear of insecurity popped up. Knowing this was just the remnants of a dying ego I let them pass. I focused on a single pointedness meditation and let the rest fade away.

Some time after, I received the intended message. I realized that I was being shown my actual distance from God. God had let me feel what our love feels like without his participation, Letting me feel only my love for him and the radiant warmth of my proximity to him, and by comparison I could feel almost nothing like I had before. I was shown that God envelopes me in love constantly if I'm open to it and especially when I'm meditating I feel it as a physical feeling in my heart. But the feeling, the love, is coming [from] God, which, I was being shown, is different from being one [with] God's Love. I was shown that I can, and must, do more to reach towards God. To unite [with] God. I was shown that the previous feeling wasn't the totality of what I was searching for. There is more.

And like a parent teaching a lesson, as soon as I grasped it, my heart again swelled with the loving embrace. And as so often, God laughed at me in his entirely loving and compassionate way.