New Year Eve - Sand Box
his is just a short little entry in my daily.... ugh, "journal" . Apparently prison has turned me into a teenaged girl. Thought I'd share. This is it exactly as it was written.
12/31/19
OK, so it's been a minute. It's New Year's Eve, typically one of the toughest days for me, yet this is the best I've felt since I've been here. It's been three days since I've had any coffee and, even then my caffeine intake has been intermittent. Completely out of my system. But more importantly—or just as importantly—today is the first day that I've been able (chosen) to get back to the only routine that gives me peace. It's about 10:30 am, I've worked out, showered, meditated, and am now, obviously, writing...When I'm done here I'm gonna work on a few tweets and a few tweaks to The Clinic.
When I was meditating I was able to reach back into the witness perspective. It's been awhile. I saw this life, myself, this physical incarnation, as a sandbox. And we're all just kids playing in a sandbox; that everything in life, the love, the wars, the stupid feuds, relationships, sex, the drunken nights and altered states, this whole experience, is just us playing in a sandbox. And the witness, our true selves, source, or whatever you want to call it, is this ever-present, ever-loving, non-judgmental, parent just watching us play. At first I had the embarrassed thought that the trifles of the sandbox are so silly and meaningless that they should be ultimately abandoned. But the deeper perspective was saying, No, enjoy it, do sandbox shit, have fun, experience all that is necessary, that's what sandboxes are for; but just know that there is more, and though there is ultimately more, the sandbox is super important, it's where you have the best chance to learn the shit you need to know...
This corner of the sandbox might smell like piss, and I'm pretty sure someone's cat used it as a litter box, but I'm really learning a lot about how nice some of the other parts of the sandbox were; parts I'd always taken for granted, with ladies, liquor, and a good nights sleep...I can see you guys over there, doin your thing. I can even here you. I'll make it out of here sooner than you think...Till then don't wander over to this corner. Appreciate where you are, because, trust me, it could always be worse.
I've been down this road enough times to know that there is no ultimate "victory" to be had. Just an understanding and peace. This morning, for the first time in a long time, I have both...
Tip for the day: Right now, no matter what you're doing, take a deep breath, calm your mind and be present in the moment...Everything you need, I mean what you really need, is right here. Take the time to touch this realization.
Oh, and if this routine continues, prepare yourself for annoyingly positive Bobby...
Happy New Year. Tie one on & kiss a stranger!!! Consensually of course.