Words Of Wisdom From Uncle Lee

I have a cubie we call 'Uncle Lee' (we are in 8 man cubes) who has a way with butchering common phrases or sayings but there is something poetic about the way he does it. Somehow they often come out making more sense than the originals. Sometimes. 

I decided to write a few of these gems down in order to share them with the world.

"Thats an elephant of a whole different color." The saying is a 'horse' of a different color.

"Bigger frish to fry." Self explanatory, but there's a part of me that wonders if he thinks 'frish' is a species of fish or just a type of fried food.

"Even if they have 'home court' advantage in the 'Superbowl'." Here he Combines two sports, into an analogy. A basketball court and football event.

"You just found a way to dismolish me." About decisively losing a card game. This is just a mispronunciation but still impressive to make it 50+ years without knowing that it's pronounced 'demolish'

“Somebody gives you an inch and you take a mole hill...." By far my favorite Lee quote. Again combining two separate sayings. 

"They even have sirlines" about steaks.” He meant 'sirloin.' Another mispronunciation. This one is impressive because he's obsessed with food.

"I gotta 'shread' some of this shit" about needing to 'shed' some extra property in order to save space. I picture him putting his old clothes and shoes through an office shredder.

"You were 'dwelling' in your own sweat." This one I have no idea about. He used it in a way that would be, 'dwelling in your feelings'

"Who do you think you are Dr. Zeus?" I assume he meant Dr Seuss, not the father of the Greek Gods.

"They both have the same callistic attitude!" After some questioning it became clear that he meant 'sadistic'

"A weezy board." He meant an 'ouija' board, not lil Wayne.

“He has a negative 'aroma' around him.” He meant 'aura' 

"He used to 'eat' himself to a pulp." About someone eating too much. I think he was confused about the phrase 'beat to a pulp'?

"Most of the 'big wheels' don't care." He meant the political 'big wigs' (about new tax bill) Godamn elected big wheels ruining the country!

"What animal does Oxtail come from?" After being told that it comes from an 'Ox' he thought about it for a beat and then said "So, like a bird?" This went on, like an Abbot and Costello skit, for a good ten minutes before he was satisfied.

This last one isn't from Uncle Lee. Its from my best friend: Joe. I did a post a while back listing all the unintentionally sexual things he would say (Unintentional Prison Talk). So he's not exactly Shakespeare when it comes to language, but he said a sentence the other day that I haven't been able to stop laughing about. It's funny, confusing, and all together concerning that English is his first language. It was an attempt to admonish another one of our friends, 'the king of Richmond'. The king said something to our cubie, that apparently Joe felt to be false. So in an arrogant and correcting tone he said:

"Mike don't like to be said nothing that's not true!" ..... 

Oh my God! How is that a sentence?!... Oh life is great, it was all worth it, being in prison, to be here to witness Joe uttering these words with complete sincerity.