Prison Rules To Live By

Prison rules to live by: these aren't just the stereotypical rules like "never show weakness" or shit like that, even though there are a couple of obvious ones. I listed some of the things that aren't just common sense and had to be learned in here…just wanted to give a lil more perspective to life in here.

1.  Wash your linen every week. It’s free and it’s one of those small things that makes a big difference.

2.  Murphys law is king (what can go wrong will go wrong) plan accordingly.

3.  Go to breakfast! It’s the easiest meal to skip, especially when you have food in your locker, but don't do it. It’s free food and your food will last a lot longer. Plus it’s the first chance of the day to take the temperature of the yard. Breakfast is often when violence breaks out, especially in level 4. Problems that occur at night are usually settled in the morning.

4.  Avoid dealing in credit, no matter what side of the deal you're on.

5.  Keep your word. No matter what prison you're at someone will know you from another joint, and convicts are the only people that gossip more than high-school valley girls. Your reputation will follow you throughout the system.

6.  Don't wear your shower shoes (sandals) to the shower. Wear actual shoes and carry your shower shoes. Fights/stabbings happen when you are most vulnerable, and on the way to the shower in shower shoes are the preferred opportunity. Even if it’s just for appearances.

7.  Say excuse me. Courtesy, manners, and respect go a long way in avoiding unnecessary bullshit.

8.  Don't gamble. At best your just trading food($) back and forth. At worst you become a pin cushion for someones banger (shank).

9.  When passing someone walking in the same direction announce what side you're coming from. "On your right." or "on your left." We're a paranoid bunch and don't like people unexpectedly behind us.

10.  When working out always have someone "secure" you. To stand guard while you're in a vulnerable position.

11. Never ever split a group of people. Splitting is when more than one person is walking together and someone walks between them. Splitting is a stable offense. Very serious sign of disrespect.

12.  Never wear both ear buds or headphones out on the yard. Always keep one ear free to be aware of your surroundings.

13.  Buy the necessary personal products (electronics) before food. T.V. trimmers, shavers, footlocker are investments that don't depreciate like food does.

14.  Don’t look into peoples cells. It’s an invasion of privacy plus you might not like what you see. Side note: When me or my bunkie are taking a piss, our back is towards the other, making us face towards the cell door, which has a window. We think its hilarious, when someone is walking by, to call them over by name. "Hey Chad!", until they come to the window to see what we want, only to be greeted by one of us frantically trying to finish pissing before they get there…we never finish in time. And "Chad" or who ever is unlucky enough to be the one passing by is both offended and embarrassed as well as amused at the lengths that me and my bunkie go to have a laugh.

15. Last and most importantly: No matter how much it looks, sounds, or walks like a woman, it’s NOT!