Objective Reality

There is no objective reality when it comes to perception; it's all relative. There is beauty and horror alike in every moment. The real beauty is that we have control of defining our reality.

I was spinning laps around the big track this morning listening to music, when; after months of feeling like this whole prison bid was getting too heavy to carry, I felt a shift. Not in my circumstance, obviously not in my surroundings, and not even in the shit that's been getting under my skin lately; like the mind numbing level of willfully, even proud, ignorance of some of my fellow convicts.

Though nothing externally had changed, I suddenly remembered that this whole experience of life, everything that happens, is up to me to define. Every single one of us can look to the left and find someone doing "better" than us (whatever that means) and feel shitty, or we can look to the right and find someone doing "worse" than us and feel blessed. The only choice that really matters is which way we choose to look. All the misery in the world is resting just to your left, waiting for your attention to bring it to life, and all the beauty and meaning in this twisted-ly poetic head trip called life is shimmering to your right waiting to bring you to life.

This isn't a new revelation; I've known this for years now, but for the last few months I'd all but abandoned the technique that led me to this understanding. And wouldn't you know it (sarcastic voice), after picking back up a disciplined meditative practice, it's all coming back. It's one thing to know something intellectually and another to know it experientially in practice.

This isn't some saintly version of me meditating in the lotus position hovering off the floor. I still talk heaps of shit and make fun of my friends incessantly, I still hear the irreverent, over-thinking, self critical, and chaotic inner monologue I always have... I just pay it less attention when I'm doin what needs to be done.

Oh yeah, my appeal for commutation got denied...Which just means I've still got more to learn through this experience, and more time to do it. Thanx for everybody who took the time to write letters for me. We'll try again in two years.... Till then I'll keep looking right.

PS: the "shitty" stuff doesn't stop happening just because you gain some understanding. The understanding and perspective just allows you to see the big-picture beauty in it all, which can lead to an appreciation....Even for the bullshit...