An Ode
( Written Oct 2017, and originally posted June 2019))
I want to be perfectly clear. I’m aware of the gut wrenching effect that the sappy nature of these words might have on some people. But nonetheless it’s something that I needed to express and embarrassing or not, I'm done with self censorship. It might be seen as any number of adjectives: lame, cheesy, corny…but it's the truth.
An Ode to the Other Half
I've gained a true understanding of the beauty of woman, in the isolation of a prison cell. Only in absence was I able to appreciate its brilliance. I was once under the delusion that, to be deemed truly beautiful, a woman had to have a combination of superficial attributes like, specific bone structure and body type. As if the existence of a woman's beauty was dependent on someone else's recognition of it. By outward validation.
To be fair I've also always had an appreciation for the more subtle and profound dimensions of a woman's beauty as well. I've long recognized the illumination of their beauty by the intangibles. Their sense of humor, their intelligence, their strength, their heart. These are not the things I took for granted. For me they, added to, and amplified beauty. But in the absence of feminine presence, the magnitude of their essence has been revealed in its entirety.
My God! Nothing has been created so perfect as woman. Nothing, as nuanced and still so obvious, as their importance. Nothing, has ever existed, as flawlessly complex and yet painfully simple in its beauty.
I used to look at women and search for flaw in their beauty. Now I see them and find the key to it. A woman with real inner beauty, inevitably radiates some outer beauty as well. In the past I was blind to it. Now it has become impossible to ignore. Rather than being identified by a flaw, they are admired for their strengths.
No longer is beauty something to be validated by me. It never was. Now it's to be recognized and appreciated. We can't give beauty its glow. We can merely bask in it. How blind I was to the reality of things. How blind we all are. Women included.
When I see a woman on TV or in a magazine I nearly lose myself. Not in lust or impulse, but in knuckle biting amazement. Amazement at what I had once taken for granted. At what so many still take for granted. Amazement at our misunderstanding of feminine beauty. And not just in a "beautiful on the inside" way. Amazed by our lack of appreciation and willing blindness.
We are surrounded by beautiful women. Each in their own individual way. Whether it’s the way her eyes light up when she laughs too hard. The flash of her teeth when she smiles in that mischievous way.. How her hair falls on to her shoulders when she lets it down. The curve of her hips, whether; slim or full, in a sundress or sweatpants. The way her top lip is slightly bigger than her bottom lip. Her hands, her eyelashes, or her thighs. They all have something. That one special thing that pulls you in.
Look with new eyes and you will find that unique glow. How many times have I missed the chance to tell you of your importance? Of your stature? How many times have I failed to reveal your worth? To show my appreciation? How many times have I taken your presence and beauty for granted?…Never again.
Behind the walls of prison, my ignorance has been lifted. It is both enlightening and heartbreaking. Enlightening because I am now aware of a beauty I was once blind to. Heartbreaking because I'm in the one place where I can't experience its glow...
A cynic might say "a starving man can learn to savor even a grilled cheese sandwich." Maybe...But true or not, the cynic will NEVER experience anything as fulfilling as that sandwich.